Uh, hello. My name is Shaina Fineberg

and I am a filmmaker. I'm a I'm also a

mom and I've been doing a depressingly

bad job at

both. I've genuinely thought about

giving up on my career. Oh my god. I've

gotten rejection after

rejection. Everything I've made is

lowbudget and stars my family. comes.

It's a boy. But quitting fills me with

anxiety because of an intense feeling of

loss I felt for my mom growing up. Don't

worry about my dad. He's dead. There's

anything that you regret not doing in

your life? Yes, I do. What? Um, I wanted

to be a performer. I was married and I

had a little baby and that and that's

why I would like I support you doing it.

So, you wish you had done that? Yes, I

think about it a lot. Yeah, I do. I've

spent my life determined not to live

with the regret that continues to haunt

my mom. But lately, the work life

balance has become so rough, I was on

the verge of following in my mom's

footsteps. And then I found Joan,

darling.

In some ways, Joan is the exact opposite

of my mom. Unlike my mom, Joan was a

career woman. She had no kids and today

she has no regrets. You want to hear the

story? This kid comes over to me in a

cowboy hat. Stevie and I were pals way

before he was quote Steven Spielberg

when I went over to shoot mash. Did I

ever tell you the Joe Peshy story?

Jackie Kennedy

Rumlanah Tom C. So I went to Norman Lear

and he said how would you like to be a

director?

Joan is now 90, but back in 1976, she

was the first woman to be nominated for

an Emmy in directing. The first woman

ever. She's directed shows like Mary

Hartman, Mary Hartman, Magnum PI, Roa,

Taxi, The Bionic Woman, MASH, and one of

the top 100 episodes of television

ever. I, on the other hand, directed

this. Mom, Dad, it's happening. What's

happening? This is it. I can feel it.

I'm going during the pandemic. A

freelance job I had connected me over

Zoom with Joan. At the time, I was

drowning in motherhood. Hi, baby. In our

first call, Joan told me she had watched

some of my movies and hadn't been this

excited about someone's work since early

Aaron Sorcin.

Joan's compliment felt like a life raft.

So, in an attempt to balance my career

with my kids, I went to meet Joan in

person. We are in Kennab, Maine. I I I

just learned to drive and I really love

it. You really just learned? No. Oh,

just I'm just starting the day with you.

Within minutes of meeting Joan, it was

clear she had her own agenda. Okay. This

is the Is this there? This is great.

Shaina. Yes. So, what are you doing

here? Joan and I spent three days

filming together.

Mostly we just played,

right? Then what if we do it and I'm

Joan and you're Oh, I love that. Okay.

Do I look all right? But do I look

stupid?

Okay. And action. I think I'm a really

bad actor. Right. You're so much more

elegant than I You're so much taller

than I am. You're so much taller. Did

you say you're taller? You're How big

did you think I was? I mean, this big or

what?

I guess I thought you were this big. I'm

going to have to give you an acting

lesson. It's Metamucil. If I let it sit,

it'll just become like a rock. I got to

go fast. That right around Joan, I let

myself become completely vulnerable. Now

I want you to lick the outside rip.

That was great. Could you feel that

happen to you? And eventually we stopped

playing and things got serious. Now you

looking at me and you're paying

attention. I'm paying attention. Okay,

because I'm going to hypnotize you now

and you're going to be so surprised. The

only thing that matters is the quality

of your

experience. the

container. Got it. Mhm.

When I left Maine, I realized I had

spent my time recreating how Stella got

her groove back. That '90s movie where a

down on her luck Angela Basset goes to

Jamaica and has a steamy love affair

with a handsome young man played by Tay

Diggs. Only in my version, the Teddigs

role was a Jewish lady and the Angela

Basset role was also a Jewish

lady. For the first time since having my

kids, I felt like a whole person. Not

just a mom, not just a stalled

[Music]

filmmaker. Being in Maine was like

getting a vaccine. 6 months later, I

went to see Joan again for a confidence

booster. This time in Florida. Where are

we? cosmically or geographically. It's a

it's a it's a senior living place

because I'm old and I can't believe it.

I don't know how it happened.

That's the system. Is that Yeah, that's

it. That's it, kids.

Being around Joan gave me a transfusion

of

confidence, which is what she did with

Mary Tyler Moore all those years ago

when they made that super famous episode

of TV, Chuckles Bites the Dust. Chuckles

the clown who does a kitty show. He goes

to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut.

And as it says in the script, a rogue

elephant shells him to death. Everybody

starts making jokes. Mary just is

furious with everybody because she feels

it's disrespectful to be laughing about

Chuckle's death. And then in the funeral

when the priest starts to speak about

Chuckles, she can't stop laughing. And

then the guy calls on her and says, "Go

ahead, laugh out loud. Don't you see?

Nothing would have made Chuckles

happier."

I said to Mary, "Listen, I don't think

we need to rehearse the funeral scene

where you laugh." And the first time she

did it, I'm just going, "This is so

brilliant." And by saying, "You can do

this. I know you can do it. You know you

can do it." It was almost like a trans

induction. I'm going to hypnotize you

now. It was almost like a trans

induction. That's exactly what she did

to me in Maine. She put a trance on me.

I know you can do it. You know you can

do it.

Joan threw me that life raft. Imagine if

someone had done that for my mom. Her

life wouldn't have been tinted by

regret. Yes, I think about it a lot.

Yeah, I do. My mom made a huge career

sacrifice for me and lives with this

feeling of loss. Joan devoted herself to

her passion and she feels fulfilled. As

for me,

I'm in uncharted territory. Unwilling to

give up my art or my kids, I'm forced to

combine them.

[Music]

Will my children grow up to make films

about how they took a backseat to my

career? I guess it's just a risk I'm

willing to take.